I never thought I would be one of those sentimental, weepy mothers. I work with young children, I’ve been around kids my whole life, I felt I would fit into the role of mother fairly easily and I knew how children can bring such contentment. But I didn’t know how paradoxical motherhood is. How becoming a mother stirs within you the greatest sadness and the greatest joy, sometimes simultaneously. How you suddenly see the flying of time and really, I mean REALLY, realize you can’t get it back.
So I find myself sentimental at most of Lucy’s milestones, including half birthdays. I have been surprised at how tough these have been for me, but I feel them like the tipping of boulder on a mountain: like we’re suddenly hurling toward the next birthday on a downward slope. And still, I am so very gleeful in how our girl is evolving and growing into herself. So, on this half birthday, I have composed 18 reflections on my girl at 18 months old:
1• How did time go this fast? Or, rather, how can you seem like such a little girl in a matter of months?
2• We are so proud of who you are already. Loving, friendly, kind, affectionate, strong, and so smart.
3• You are my very best friend. Sure, we can’t go get a beer together (yet) but everything is just more fun with you. You know me best, as I do you. Your love is unconditional, as is mine.
4• I love you so, so much.
5• We take great joy in watching you discover your interests, little girl. To infinity, and beyond!
6• I truly believe you can do anything in your life. And I believe you will do great things.
7• I even love when you’re naughty. Maybe especially then.
8• Watching you explore this world is magic, and I crave opportunities to help you do this more.
9• When can we expect the mullet to grow out?
10• When you are crying, I am devastated. When you laugh, I’m ecstatic. Your every emotion is amplified in me times 10. Another surprise of motherhood.
11• You are my breath of fresh air.
12• I hope you always share your dreams with me. I dread the day you may not.
13• You make us laugh every day with your spunk.
14• There is no one as beautiful as you.
15• I will listen to “Hakuna Matata” and “Part of Your World” until my ears bleed, if that’s what you want.
16• I appreciate you.
17• The way you say “Mama” is like the most beautiful little bell ringing. I want to bottle it up so I can hear it even when we’re old and gray.
18• I couldn’t have painted you more mine.
Of course everyone says things about motherhood that you know in your head must be true, but you only really know in your heart when you are one. I praise God every day for gifting me the little spitfire who made me a mama ♥.
Happy half birthday, my little ray of sunlight!